Sunday 22 February 2015

Feelings, nothing more than feelings.

I originally posted this as a journal on the RoosterTeeth site (Huge fan) but as I'd like to get this all in one place, I've copied it here so there's more than just the introductory post.

This was originally posted in summer 2014
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As a 21 year old I thought I'd felt all the feelings there are; embarrassment/happiness/sadness/grief to name a few. 

But today I had a new feeling. I was content.
That's not happy. Happiness is a completely different feeling. Happiness, to me at least, is just a basic mood, a lesser version of content if you like. I get happy when people say nice things or I make someone laugh. But to be content is more of a natural thing for me. 

I'm a very indoorsy person normally. Generally, I go to work, I come home, play video-games and scourer the internet. And then we repeat. The only time I leave the house other than going to work is to go shopping, and that's only once a week. I'm not a fan of the outdoors really. I don't drink so going out at night is a ridiculous idea as far as I'm concerned. I'm not a particularly social person either. I'll talk to my friends and colleagues and whatnot but I tend to stay out of activities and outside of work meet ups. Not my thing, hence why I'm '"boring". A lot of people simply don't understand that you don't need to go out to socialise. You can do it all over the internet at home via social networking sites or playing games online for example. I know it's not the same, but it's a more accessible and interactive experience as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather play a game online with one of my friends than meet up in town with them. 

However, since England had the greatest summer that I can remember last year, I grew partial to hot summer days. And today was a corker. 

A bright blue sky, the sun bearing down with a force of heat so intense that even the sweat pouring down my face was sweating. I went to work like normal and as my job is hard physical labour it means that a hot day at work is not fun. Nice to look at but it makes a hard job even harder. But with a nice early finish on the cards, I knuckled down to get home. 

Sure enough, early afternoon I was done, and after helping a colleague who then offered me a lift (Tactical thinking) I was home before 3. I went to my room, put on my ripped jeans, my mirrored aviator sunglassses. Yes, Top Gun style. And to finish off the look, I donned one of my prized possessions. I put on one of my ugly shirts. Usually Hawaiian. Brightly coloured and shockingly patterned, I love them and I vow to collect as many shirts as possible that cause people to say, 'What an earth are you wearing?' I'm up to about 10 and they're fantastic. 

Anyway, rambling. Yes, I donned my summer outfit, went out to the garden, pulled out a chair, stuck my headphones in, arranged a playlist of happy, summer songs and just sat. 

Yup, I sat out in the garden with my music on, in basic terms. And it was utterly glorious. I sat out there for a couple of hours. And the longer I sat there, the more at peace with the world I became. No problems, no nagging, no irritating noises from the neighbourhood. I was simply content. I couldn't have been happier out there. With nobody around I could just sit back and relax. 

And as a result of my new found ultimate chill-out recipe, it's now forecast to rain all week. 
It was nice while it lasted. Oh well. Until the next time.


Cheerio,

Stevie.

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